Before you start packing your beret and calling it a plan, check the fine print. These official visa portals for six of the most popular destinations will save you from the “oops-I’m-illegal” version of your European dream.

I moved to Paris so you don’t have to (but you just might want to!)

Ever dreamt of trading your morning commute for a stroll along the Seine? Or swapping your Costco card for a neighborhood market complete with singing butcher? I did—and I have the tear-stained VISA to prove it.

This is Part I of a three-part guide to moving from the U.S. to Europe—the good, the bad, and the bureaucratic. Here you can learn from all my gloriously-avoidable mistakes.

I arrived in Italy seeking balance and focus yet somehow departed in a dangerous liaison with pizza. Chenot Espace - where mud wraps meet la dolce vita.

Paris Has More Restaurants Than Existential Crises

And I’ve eaten at enough of them to know which are worth your euros. Forget the influencer lists—these are the Modern French bistros where I actually eat (often with my pug, Boots), linger far too long, and occasionally make friends over steak frites.

So why does Golden Door, the grande dame of U.S. destination retreats, command a whopping €1,850/day (and that’s before taxes and tipping naturellement)? You guessed it: branding. Compare that to the #1 destination spa in the world which is less than a quarter of the cost…and with killer views of the Tyrolean Alps. It’s also my personal favorite.

After flitting between detox broths, mocktail mixers, and Kniepp cold water walks, I’ve emerged with some hot takes…