SPAwhispers: Chapter One
In the U.S. most destination spas are essentially adult summer camps with better towels: a fitness center, a spa, clean food, group yoga at dawn, yada yada, cucumber water on tap. So why does Golden Door, the grande dame, command a whopping €1,850/day (and that’s before taxes and tipping naturellement)? You guessed it: branding. Golden Door is the Louis Vuitton of American wellness— luxurious, aspirational, debatably worth it yet it’s still utterly irresistible if you’re partial to bragging rights.
Canyon Ranch (CR), on the other hand, is the Gwyneth Paltrow to Golden Door’s Anna Wintour. Different vibe but still a status symbol for anyone who alphabetizes their supplements. With a 3-star Michelin ‘Key’ designation under its (lifting) belt CR has multiplied like SoulCycle studios, two day-spas plus three destinations resorts with a fourth opening in 2026 in Austin (because of course).
I once went to CR in the mid-aughts with a gaggle of girlfriends and we smuggled in booze like teenagers at a slumber party. By night two, cocktail hour was regularly scheduled on our group’s daly line-up. CR has now gotten with the guest vibes, even now offering wine tasting evenings.
Cut to 2024 and Buchinger Wilhelmi in Germany when I asked a housekeeper to toss out my Coca-Cola Zero bottle that I innocently brought with me (it’s my caffeine kryptonite), she recoiled as if I tried to hand her a grenade. Can’t imagine her reaction if I had a bottle of booze.
How do I Judge the European Spas?
I use a highly (un)scientific proprietary system called the Boots-Approved Pug Scale (see chart here), rating each from 1 to 5 pugs based on:
Price: First, there’s no pesky sales tax inn Europe - its built in. Second, the spas I’ve been to here in Europe don’t provide a line item on the bill for a tip; rather it’s discretionary. At Park Igls I asked a regular-guest what they tipped and they were surprised by my inquiry; I then asked another and I am now ruined as to the American gratuity culture. (another rant for another day.)
Food: I was full on 850 calories a day/total at each of the retreats. Chenot Palace should win awards for their food. I even bought their cookbook, which is so complex it would make Julia Child blush. Photos below of various meals fro each of the three destinato resorts.
Buchinger Wilhelmi: sample dishes
Chenot Palace: sample dishes
Park Igls: sample dishes
Note that in the above photo of the Park Igls New Year’s Eve dinner they did serve wine and champagne in honor of the holiday.
Accommodations: Sure, a gorgeous room is lovely, but how much time will you really spend there when you’ve got a dozen or more activities each day? At Buchinger I paid for a room with a lake view and central air. Next time - and I will go again, I’ll downgrade two levels to a room that still has a lake view but with a fan…and will pocket the 1000 euro difference.
Activities: Three aspects: 1. Physical (yoga, hikes, water aerobics, etc.); 2. cultural (concerts, speakers); and, 3. medical (blood work, stress analysis, doctors who are cute - I mean highly qualified, etc.).
Social Scene: Some retreats are social butterflies; at both Buchinger and Park Igls you’ll be put into activities and meals where you’ll meet people from literally all over the world. Chenot? Bring your own crew or expect to sit at your dining room table alone.
What’s Included: Massage count is the bellwether. At Chenot I got 6 massages in 7 days. At Park Igls, in addition to daily massages or similar, I had multiple sessions with a personal trainer who introduced me to a great free HIIT app (Tabata Timer: interval timer) which has really intensified my workouts. Buchinger? Yikes; I had one massage ala carte and it was so clinical that I opted to go to the Bodensee-Therme Überlingen resort in town for massages thereafter – a 15 minute walk from the campus; the massages at the thermal baths were cheap and outstanding (the only issue was that I had to walk through the private nudist area to get to the massage table, luckily behind a hedge, next to the lake with its soothing lapping waves – Europeans, especially the Scandinavians and Germans, take their nudism seriously and I’ve just got to deal with it).
Philosophy: They all include “medical spas,” but the execution varies wildly—Buchinger and Park Igls excel in this area.
FINAL SCORES
Buchinger Wilhelmi (Germany):
Serious fasting, serious structure, and a side of social connection. I have stayed in touch with many. It’s the Hilton of health spas—efficient, a bit formal (so German), and sneakily delightful.
Chenot Palace (Switzerland):
This place is the Four Seasons of wellness. Decadent food, incredible 1-2-3 punch of hydro-aromatherapy followed by a mud wrap followed by a massage every day. Medical? Meh.
Park Igls (Austria):
Friendly, astute Austrians; jaw-dropping Tyrolean Alps views and soups that could qualify as emotional support food. They follow the Mayr Method—it’s about diet but much, much more – it’s a philosophy. And not the creepy kind. But one that’s easy to incorporate into your lifestyle back home. Army knife of spas: I’d jump on a 12-hour train ride to get back there and probably will next New Year’s for their special 10-day program where I hope to see friends I met last year. And yes, Condé Nast Traveller crowned it the #1 Destination Spa in Europe (Buchinger Wilhelmi came in at #18 and Chenot Palace at #3). I am usually SO skeptical about such ‘best of’ awards but this one was determined by their readers and I just so happen to agree.